The relationship of “fathers and children” worried not only our past generations, but this problem is also relevant today more than ever. In many ways, it lies in the growing misunderstanding of the elders and the younger and the desire to exalt oneself. The modern standards of society are increasingly closing us off from each other.
Many of our problems are believed to come from childhood. Perhaps there it is worth looking for the cause of the misunderstanding? Probably, in childhood or adolescence, we were afraid to ask questions to our parents, but they did not notice this, which ultimately resulted in a state of misunderstanding, which gives rise to many other problems in relationships and communication.
Thanks to the possibility of anonymity of the social platform ASKfm, teenage users shared the most exciting questions that they would like to ask their parents, but never asked for one reason or another. Below are some of the most popular ones.
Divorce is one of the most serious events that can traumatize a child’s life, and not surprisingly. While it doesn’t always come as a surprise to adults, it takes many children by surprise and changes the rhythm of their lives forever.
- Dad, why did you leave us? It hurts. Yes, I understand, fell out of love, fell in love with another, but children’s got hurt the most.
- Why did you leave me, dad? Why don’t you love me and mom?
- Were you happy? And at what point and why did everything go wrong?
- What is love for you?
Some parents try to hide the reasons for the divorce from their children in order to protect them. Unfortunately, children sometimes take it personally and begin to think that it is they who are to blame for what happened. Other children witness conflicts between parents that affects their perception of marriage and relationships forever.
Either way, it is very important to talk with the child about the divorce and remind him that it is not his fault, and that the parents will never leave him.
Most psychologists now agree that the best way to raise children is by example. And we completely forget about it, especially when we drink alcohol or smoke in front of children. And it is incredibly difficult for them to understand why parents say that this is bad, and still continue to do it.
- My dear mom and dad, why are you drinking? What do you lack in life? I have adequate parents who love me and always tried to give me only the best. But all my childhood and part of my conscious life I was accompanied by alcohol. He is very closely associated with parents …
- Why didn’t you watch what I eat, but only fatten me up? Now that I have grown up and become responsible for myself, I have to deal with what has accumulated inside over the years.
Many do not realize this, but bad habits of parents can become “hereditary” – for example, a child sees you in a state of intoxication every day, he may consider this the usual form of behavior for himself.
Parenting and upbringing
Many teenagers are very interested in what it is like to be parents. They do not know how their mom and dad feel, what thoughts or experiences they have. But it is the anxiety about children that often results in screams and conflicts.
- What did you feel when I was born?
- Why was I born?
- What is it like to be a parent? Always wondered about this
- What mistakes do you think you made in raising children? What would you like to fix?
- Why are not all of the children conceived were born? Since I consider abortion a last resort, I would like an answer. Unfortunately, we are not used to discuss such things.
- Do you believe in your child’s success in the directions she has chosen? I would ask this question, because I do not see any support from them in this direction.
Before you take it out on your child because he does not obey you, try to calmly describe your feelings and worries to him. Perhaps it is obvious to you that your anxiety is a sign of love and care. Children may not yet understand this, so talking directly to them about your feelings – is the best way out.
Desire to get closer
In adolescence, there may be some kind of alienation – in public, children may be ashamed of the hugs and kisses of their parents, but this does not mean at all that they do not need parental warmth and love.
The detachment of adults from children can be perceived by the latter very hard, even if they do not show their emotions.
- Why? Why aren’t you my closest person? Why, when you should be the closest, you’re the most distant? Why?
Some people get too involved in parenting and don’t talk to their children about their past and other aspects of their lives. It is very important to tell children about your childhood and youth. This will help them realize that you understand their feelings and experiences, as well as that you are a complete, interesting person who deserves their respect.
- How did you mess up as a child? Most parents do not tell their children about their past and idealize it, but there are no ideal people.
In today’s world, when everything is scheduled literally to the minute, sometimes it is very important to stop and listen – not only to yourself, but also to your children, in order to understand what is bothering them. And then a constant dialogue, albeit not always easy, will help to avoid many problems regarding “fathers and children” and make our lives better. The aforementioned questions are only a small part of what may be going on in the heads of our children. Start being closer to them today!